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In general, one trend I notice throughout the paper is that you depend a lot on your sources and spend most of your time closely paraphrasing ideas from them. This is ok in places, but overall, it means that your own voice and ideas are not coming through well. If you are free to talk by phone or Skype, we could maybe discuss this to give you some ideas for how to revise and do better–both on this paper, and in future classes. But, if not, that is ok too, and I have included some more specific tips for revision below.
– You often paraphrase from your sources, which works well if you have put things entirely in your own words. *You may want to just go back and check that you are not taking any phrases, lists, or sentence structure from your original sources, since it looks like that may be the case some places.* If you do have any text directly from the source, then this will go in quotation marks. And, if you have text which is close to your sources but a little different (where you changed in certain words), then you either want to shift back to a direct exact quote in quotation marks, or change to a paraphrase where you put things fully in your own words. (After submitting, you can also check your TurnItIn report to look for any citation mistakes.)
– In discussing Noddings’ view, you bring in some good points, but do not engage much with our course reading and ideas from the course video. Also, the final answer of how she would tell us to deal with sexual harassment does not come through that clearly. So, you could maybe summarize her general views more briefly, and then say more about how you would creatively apply her theory to the issues in your paper. This is an example of what I mentioned above–how it is good for your own ideas to come through more, rather than just paraphrasing your sources. Also, when you discuss Kant in the Noddings section, that part is not too clear and maybe not correct.
– Under the Kant heading, the same problem happens, but more so, since you do not discuss the categorical imperative as we learned that in class and apply that to your topic. I would take out the points you make about teenagers in the workplace, and instead just cite our course reading and notes/videos, and then apply Kant’s theory using them.
– After the ethical theories, the next sections of the paper are mostly missing or not correct. After Kant, you want to apply a specific code of ethics from the course, such as I think you were working with the HR code of ethics. So, you would quote that and explain how it relates to your topic. Then, there is the persuasive arguments section, where you want to develop your own original arguments related to your thesis. Here, you again kind of fall back on citing outside sources, so your own views do not come through. It is ok to draw on sources somewhat, but you want to wrap these into your own original arguments. In this section, you could choose to give reasons why sexual harassment is wrong, or maybe move beyond this to defend certain solutions to the problem you would recommend. (Whichever yo
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